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What's R. Kelly's favourite animal? *The Jellyfish.*

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*The Jellyfish.* from onlyfans

What's R. Kelly's favourite animal? *The Jellyfish.*

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Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to s..

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Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to sit through? *The Nutcracker.*

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Poor Mr. Vinegar, he can’t catch a break. *Every time he t..

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Poor Mr. Vinegar, he can’t catch a break. *Every time he turns around, he’s in a pickle!*

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For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas *Ther..

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For Halloween I've got a job making plastic Draculas *There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.*

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What was Lorena Bobbitt's favorite form of mischief? *Ding..

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What was Lorena Bobbitt's favorite form of mischief? *Ding dong ditch.*

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Did you hear they're banning all porn from the internet? *..

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Did you hear they're banning all porn from the internet? *I don't know what this world is cumming to.*

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After a crazy night on the town, all I can remember before b..

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After a crazy night on the town, all I can remember before blacking out is paramedics approaching me with a stretcher. I guess I got carried away.

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Who Flips Frankenstein's Pancakes? *Count Spatula.*

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Who Flips Frankenstein's Pancakes? *Count Spatula.*

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Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop. *They're absolutely ..

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Pumpkins are the most beautiful crop. *They're absolutely gourd-geous.*

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My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered tha..

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My friend told me about a wonder food that he discovered that contains protein, fiber, and good fats *"That's nuts!" I exclaimed.*

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On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my ..

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On my first day of work as a zoo keeper I noticed one of my male coworkers had a bulge in his pants. I asked him... "Is that a small monkey in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" *He said "Yeah, it's Macaque"* 🙊

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What do you call it when a redhead goes nuts? *A ginger sna..

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What do you call it when a redhead goes nuts? *A ginger snap.*

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How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

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How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

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Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfor..

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Today one of my friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space. *It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.*

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Some days you eat salads and go to the gym, some days you ea..

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Some days you eat salads and go to the gym, some days you eat chocolate cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. it is called BALANCE

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Why did the mule farmer get arrested? He had his ass out i..

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Why did the mule farmer get arrested? He had his ass out in public.

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Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than ..

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Studies show that atheists are more likely to own cats than Christians. *Because owning Christians isn't legal, obviously.*

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Why is the moon so grouchy? It's just going through one of..

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Why is the moon so grouchy? It's just going through one of its phases

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Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food... *Will cost y..

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Refusing dessert after eating Chinese food... *Will cost you a fortune.*

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What do you call a bra in Germany? *A Stoppemfromfloppen*

violetsvip post What do you call a bra in Germany?

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What do you call a bra in Germany? *A Stoppemfromfloppen*

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"Dont Touch" Must be the scariest thing a blind person can r..

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"Dont Touch" Must be the scariest thing a blind person can read in Braille.

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Thots are like circles. Curvy, but pointless.

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Thots are like circles. Curvy, but pointless.

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Everyone thinks pound cake is called "pound cake" because of..

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Everyone thinks pound cake is called "pound cake" because of the ingredients But it's actually named after the place it was invented, "Pound Town", *You know, where your mom lives.*

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What do sex on the beach and american beer have in common? ..

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What do sex on the beach and american beer have in common? *Both are fucking close to water.*

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What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? *The..

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What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? *The first is a super hero, the other is simply a command.*

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I bring so many ladies back to my place and make them so hap..

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I bring so many ladies back to my place and make them so happy in my bed that... *I had to buy hoe-moaners insurance*

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What do you call a fake noodle? *An ImPASTA!*

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What do you call a fake noodle? *An ImPASTA!*

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Someone keyed the music teacher’s car *Fortunately, the da..

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Someone keyed the music teacher’s car *Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor*

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If you don’t like tacos- *I’m nacho type.*

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If you don’t like tacos- *I’m nacho type.*

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My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome, which of his ..

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My boyfriend asked me if I wanted a threesome, which of his friends I'd choose. *Apparently, I shouldn't have named two.*

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