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Attention, aviators – birds are now charging sky tolls for crossing their airspace! Air traffic has gone fowl! 😛

Newsflash: Trees launch a petition against floating squirrels nesting in their branches! Alert! Alert! Acorn aerial warfare! 😲

Dick pics would look permanently erect!! OOOOH 69 standing upright! I can just imagine how many calories THAT would burn!

Selfies will be totally different too! Duck face with hair that looks like you've been electrocuted!!😅 I, for one, wouldn't mind the look but you guys KNOW I'm weird😂

Can you imagine if gravity took a holiday, what our clothes would need to change to!? 😂 Skirts would need garters and we'd be rocking lead shoes!! The days of loose-fitting stuff...ALL GONE unless you're willing to share the love of underwear like I am! LOL

OFMG!! I just saw someone have a Marilyn Monroe moment and I don't think it was intentional! Skirt up in the air and a BRIGHT red face! I had to run by quickly so they wouldn't see me staring! 😅

Today we gotta just kick off the sheets and start the day with a BANG! 😉

Final gossip alert from the veggie rack! Potato says, 'Corn's popping up at midnight, binge-watching Netflix!' Sounds like a great way to end an interesting day! 😉

Pretty fucking sure that we will all never look at our salads the same. like I just heard the secrets from the crisper and I feel like they all need to calm TF down now! 😛

Or the veggies telling us about other veggies secrets - Avocado spills the guac, 'Zucchini's got a secret identity as a zoodle!' 🥑 Veggie under cover!

The veggies just dished me the T - spinach confessions, 'I'm the leafy green behind Popeye's biceps!' 💪🥬 Superhero secrets! LOL!

I was making a salad and I thought to myself what if veggies could talk back, I know it's so fucking random but what would they say if they were given the time to talk? 🤣

𝐏𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐎 𝐒𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐓! Ever fantasized about fucking me on a grand piano? Quote #PIANOSQUIRT in your DMs and make that fantasy real!

Good MORNING! Put a smile on that dial and let's get the day kick-started!

At the end of the day, everyone is rewarded with a motivational speech on whose a good employee. Instead of applause, he gets a symphony of barks in return!

Head of DR (Dog Relations) trying to incentivize bringing your human to work, but employees just want more belly rubs, breaks, and treats. LOL! I can picture a little DR dog with a bow tie and a pen in its mouth 🤣

BWAHAHAH! Imagine phoning IT and getting a bark when the phone is answered...The IT department faces a pawsome challenge – teaching dogs to type without hitting 'Pawse' every minute

Move over Marketing team the Barketing team is here to lead us all, convincing everyone that belly rubs are the new employee benefits, but don't forget the treats 😍

Have you guys ever wondered what the world would be like if dogs worked and we stayed home and got love, snacks, and attention? I feel like we all missed out on something here! 😛

Today is gonna be fucking GREAT! Never start the day in a negative mindset!

Share your funniest gym moment... You know the drill, head over to my DMs and make me LOL 😅

And to all the girls that manage to look so fucking elegant at the gym please share! I always feel like a drowned hamster after a good work out but some of you guys surprise me! 😛

OR how about when people fart during a yoga session! Omfg can you imagine the stench in those rooms when someone had a rough night on the town and decided to do early morning yoga? 😲

All this talk about the gym reminds me of those bloopers where people fall off the treadmill, BWAHAHAHA! I can't stop thinking about how your confidence must go from 100 to 0 in no time! 🤣

Okay, imagine this: skipping without a care in the WORLD, but with no bra! It's like a wobbly, hilarious workout session! No worries, just lots of bouncing laughter! The bigger the tits the more dangerous the workout! 😛

I didn't realize that skipping without a bra on was so FASCINATING!! There was a girl at the gym and she has these huge tits and I legit stood there like a fool watching her skip rope along with a few other guys!! Are we that hot when we skip??

I hope your morning coffee (or tea) brings you a moment of peace and clarity. You're capable of great things, so go out there and SHINE!

Ok, fuck it! What should I write on my wall in MARKER and see if it comes out? Send me a DM, I might try it later 🤣

Omfg! Another one, toothpaste gets out marker on the wall! Fuck, I am too nervous to try this! 😅

WOW! I never knew this so I am sharing!!! If you get gum in your hair, PEANUT BUTTER to the rescue!! You guys are just so full of useful info and I don't know what I would do without you💗